Day 2 of my chemio

 Arriving at the hospital yesterday, I remembered, too late, that I had left my iphone at home. My iphone is important for me as it has my UK sim in it and that is what I used for facetime but it isn't the end of the world, I have my android phone and my macbook! Oufff

I came to hospital by taxi. A lovely lady who, unlike myself, was calm in spite of the tractors and slower cars on the ride. Once arrived, I came to my unit. It is a sterile unit so all my clothes have been taken away to be sterilised and washed. At the moment I am wearing 

you see!

So after this it was blood test, temperature, blood pressure and a ride in a private ambulance to another part of the hospital for an x-ray of my chest. Oh I forgot to say that I had to shower and the shower head fell off its stand and hit the ground cracking it open and the water squirting everywhere. I had to shower with it like that again this morning. 

Then I settled in, reading a little: "To know him is " by Dennis Hobart Giles. He and I must be around the same age but he has had a very different life to mine. Anyway, I finished the book this morning and it made me a little teary! Listened to music, watched some TV. Unlike in the outpatients unit, the 4G is really quite good, so I am glad I didn't buy a router although I have bought a sim from Bouygues as their coverage here is supposed to be much better. A meal of soup, poulet à la provencal veg and some pasta, apple and yoghurt. Not bad. 

I also had a word with one of the doctor's and had a good night's sleep despite being woken every 4 hours for blood pressure and temperature.

Who cares?

 Few care. 

 So the first round of 'cures' (leukemia) has finished with quite a high, but not good enough result of 75% of cancer cells killed. This means that I am going to have a rather harsher chemotherapy, 4 weeks in hospital to try to get me to a remission state so that I can then have a bone marrow graft. Let's hope that one works!

Can't say I am looking forward to 4 weeks in a hospital room, but if in the end it extends my life and I can do as I would like, then it will be worth it.

 

What is it all about?

 I am feeling so down this evening. I am thinking about ending it all. What is the point? But I am such a coward!!

Family:

Wills, Kat and the kids

Karen & Martin

Mark

Adam

Sara

Matthew

Friends:

Michel & Hervé

Mireille

Thierry & Jean-Pierre

Marie & Robert?

Leslie

Krystyna

and so called friends from CPE

They care but just from time to time. 

I am here alone, alone, alone...

I am fed up with all of this. What is it all about? Just milking the state for what I have paid in?

Why can't I make friends? I really don't know why. I can't commit!

Shit.

1st day of 'cure' 2

So here I am and have been for an hour, waiting to see the doctor. 

by the window do access the internet!

William's birthday gift from his papa.

 My son turned 39 last Wednesday. For his birthday gift I had organised a flight around Mont Blanc and the Vallée Blanche. He told me he had thoroughly enjoyed the flight and the photos he sent me were wonderful. I might even do the trip myself!!

 So, it turns out that I have a leucemie (luckemea, I think) and last week started my chemotherapie which is 7 days of 2 injections and an oral medicine to be taken during 28 days of the month. I will eventually have to have a bone marrow transplant. I am not sure what all this means. I have read things which are not very helpful but others tell me to wait and see. I think that is what I will do.

Dying, of course is inevitable for all of us and although I would like to live another 10 or 20 years I am not sure this will happen however, for me the problem is I want to live what is left of my life. For the next 6 months I will have therapy but I don't know how long this will go on for. What I don't want, is to live the rest of my life just prolonging my life and not living it. 

I would love to get in touch with others who are in my situation to talk about what i going to happen.

One thing I would like to say is 'Live every day as if it were your last'.

Peace out!!! (Youtube ending!!!!)